Love and Logic saved my bacon

What do you do when someone tells you something shocking? Something so far removed from what you think you would ever do that you just can't quite think of what to say?

I have a very dear friend whose husband up and one day said he wanted a divorce. What do you do? Don't give him anything to fight about. "Ok, dear, you just go take care of that."

My own son once said he never wanted to eat again. "Ok, dear, you do that. There'll be food here if you change your mind."

Many moons ago I called my mom on Mother's Day to let her know that she would be a grandmother for the first time, and to announce my engagement to be married. She said that, no matter what, she would always love me. I've never forgotten that or let go of it.

Love and Logic. The basic principles of it are great. It teaches people to not fight against the decisions of their peers or those under their stewardship, but to gently guide and love and accept the person regardless of the decision, offering love and nourishment when the consequences seem so vast and unknowable. On the other hand, that also gives us the freedom to unabashedly celebrate their victories even when that decision seemed so grave at first. By not criticizing what someone has decided to do, you leave yourself open to genuinely love, lift, and rejoice.

There is a time to council. There is a time to say "gosh, that sure isn't what I choose to do." Or even "are you sure you're looking at this correctly?"

But when someone has already made that decision and is behind it for better or for worse... well, Love and Logic saved my bacon.

"Thank you for respecting me and our relationship such that you would share this with me. I'm glad that you feel liberated and that you have greater direction and meaning now. I'm glad that you've done this after a lot of thought and study. Please keep me updated on your journey. I love you and love hearing from you."

And that is the honest truth.