A great leap

Last week, Man was having a really rotten week. He had CQ (a 24 hour shift on post which requires a day of recovery so he can actually sleep, so you can essentially miss an entire weekend or two days of class from it), test prep was not going well, he was exhausted, and his grandmother died. All of that put together pretty much had him wiped out. We were soon to be faced with this past dr's appt to evaluate how well the shot went, and discussing that had him stressed out.

He asked me one night what I thought he should do... push for medical help, or ask for a stress break, keep going, try to get out of the Army... and thoughts were just clogging him up.

I told him that it came down to one very simple decision: either push through this and stay in, or give up. Once that decision has been made, everything else will just be easier to decide.

He thought about that and wasn't comfortable with that idea at all. I don't blame him.

Last night we had a Family Readiness Group (FRG) which means that a bunch of soldiers as well as the non-commissioned officers and officers in charge of the company get together for a potluck and a brief informational presentation. I've been putting together a monthly calendar for them, as well as teaching at the community center which has given me that chance to get to know a lot of the people running things around here. Our FRG leader (S) is leaving soon and they're looking for a new one -- which means I'm being hit up for the job since I'm the only spouse in the company who has shown interest in involvement. I was chatting with S to try to find out what exactly the job would entail when the Captain joined his wife who happened to be at our table and was listening in. I told S that if Man gets medical boarded and therefore no longer has the extra work from hia current job that I could go ahead and take the job no problem, because then I'd have the support at home in the evenings I'd need to handle it all. But with all of that uncertain...

(real quick rank comparison: the Captain is like a bishop, who takes care of about 250 soldiers. 1st Sergeant is like his first councilor.)

Then Captain chimed in with a few thoughts on that, we chatted about Man's shoulder, and here are some of the points that came up that had me totally surprised:

1. He knew when Man's next fit for duty appt was. He takes care of that many people, and knew that appt time. Blew me away.

2. He has a rather poor opinion of the dr who treated Man, so apparently this guy has a history of just blowing soldiers off.

3. He said that since (#2, above) is the case, he would absolutely send Man to either of a couple of posts not too far from here where he would actually get the medical help he needs to get his shoulder back up to par.

I chatted with another sergeant who is in Man's chain of command who also happens to work with him in such a job capacity that he has close daily contact with him. After Man left for a moment Sgt turned to me and said that he was trying his best to keep Man's spirits up, and to let him know that they were all pulling for him. His words: "I take care of my soldiers." And that's all there was to it. That almost made me cry.

The piece de resistance: 1st Sergeant took Man aside and laid it on the table -- he wanted Man to decide whether he wanted to stay in the Army or not, and if he was going to stay in that they would see about getting whatever treatment he needed off post or even sending him across the country if they needed to.

That had me totally stunned.

Choose??? CHOOSE???

So last night Man and I had a very frank discussion about how we felt about the whole situation. We acknowledged the possibility and even probability that a) if he stays in he'd likely get deployed and b) even if he stays in, it isn't a guarantee that his shoulder will be healed.

After all was said and done, he decided to stick with it. There have been so many chances in the past where we could have sacrificed and stuck with something, like a job or school. There's always a way to get done what you have to, to make something work.

And now he's decided to go the distance.

I'm so very proud of this Man. This is the hardest job he's ever had, and even with a clear choice available to cut and run, he decided to stick with it.

His line of the evening: I've never really been able to commit to my own personal success.

After that entire evening, after the outpouring of support from the entire cadre, after these people who knew his situation so intimately who I never imagined would even know his name, I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't sleep or eat. I am so grateful and hopeful not only for what they've shown us can happen to support him, but also for this chance that Man has had to face his one great demon and decide to work to dispel it.

A huge mantle of weight has fallen from both of us. We're exhausted but once again Man has renewed direction and determination.

We wholeheartedly acknowledge that this one pivotal moment won't make things easy. In fact, it may get harder, especially with a baby on the way and the possibility of shoulder surgery. But the fact that the decision has been made is absolutely liberating.