getting stuck in the drive through

Every time I get fast food I regret it. By the time I had purchased 4 small milkshakes, I had spent enough money in cash, gas, and moments of my life to purchase a tub of ice cream, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and if oil gets any higher I might be able to spring for a blender next time as well.

After Sister in Law came for a visit I did my utmost to keep my home in good shape. After a couple of days it got depressing because constant vigilance just isn't my cup of tea. So, instead of staying home and following people around, getting them to pick up their messes 10 times an hour (per person) I decided to leave the house. I told them that if they were good at both Target and Borders that they would get a surprise. Princess had packed a nice little picnic for us and we were going to end our outing at a park with a snack before going back to business as usual at home.

I guess shakes are far from the cheapest things on the menu nowadays, what with milk, though now less expensive than gas, still rather higher per gallon than I'm happy to pay for. Because, you see, it isn't that milk has become less expensive. It's that gas has done cartwheels, the bunny hop, and a 10 second 100 meter dash past milk in the past year or so. I'm hoping that milk doesn't rouse itself, swallow a popper cocktail, and do its utmost to catch up to its competitor.

Anyway, the kids were pretty good at the stores so that was the surprise I had settled on. I almost immediately regretted it but, even before I had placed my order, was surprised to learn that even if I had the almighty chutzpah to drive away from Burger King after getting in the drive through lane with three kids in the car who know what that ridiculous burger sign means, I wouldn't have been able to. I was surrounded by the building and a 6 foot retaining wall which happened to retain a very steep hill I was sure my silly mini van wouldn't be able to conquer. In front of me was a diesel powered white pickup with both extended cab and and bed, and behind me was a Lincoln Towncar which I surely did not want to pay for if I tried to off road on top of its great, shiny roof. I was trapped. The only things that would have upped the ante would have been a hummer in front and a 'vette behind.

So, what happens if you get into line in the drive through and find that you have no money? Or what if you encounter a sign that says "sorry, no ice cream or shakes" when all you wanted was a shake and nothing else? Do you think that if I was denied a shake I'd settle for fries instead? No sir. Instead, I'd be stuck wasting gas until the pokey lunch line works its way through the two windows and the distracted drivers working on both departing and doling out bags of steamy, greasy food. Tag asked me why we didn't just turn the engine off while waiting in line. Smart kid.

There ought to be some sort of bail out option. They should build mini "off ramps" that let you desert the establishment rather than being forced to merely curse it and bottle thundering road rage which wouldn't even feel good to let loose in such a claustrophobic situation.

Next time, homemade shakes. It's poetry: a jug of chocolate syrup, a tub of ice cream, a book of comics, and thou.