The evolution of perspective

The kids and I spent the week up at my grandmother's house in the mountains. It was quiet, peaceful, and precisely what I've been needing. It was an amazing opportunity to see myself, my roots, my kids, and think about various relationships without daily toils fogging my mind so much. I fell asleep every night with redwoods looming out the large back windows and stars plainly visible through the skylights. There was little to no traffic on her road, tucked away a decent drive from the nearest tiny town where the main attractions are an old drug store and a very small grocery store. A state redwood forest is just a skip down the very curvy road. Distractions there are optional. I found myself in deep reflection, keeping a journal, and being the sort of mother I really wanted to be. The messes were minimal from constant vigilance, my voice perfectly moderated with a sensitive grandmother on the scene, and we remembered every appointment we had for entertainment and enjoyment. Grandma had a whole suitcase of yarn from which we knitted ponchos for my little girls. I even managed to train my fingers in correct knitting form. Yay!

And here we come back to the grind. On Sat when we came back, I cleaned the whole house and things carried that same peace I enjoyed in the mountains. It was so nice to have Man back in my life and I was intrigued and happy to learn that we missed each other.

Today everyone was sick, so I pulled the long straw and got to go teach our primary class. I took my knitting but never pulled it out. By the time I came home the house was totally trashed. Gosh, who did that? Well, I cooked but didn't have time to clean up breakfast. I prepared a lesson but didn't have time to clean up a few scraps of paper on the desk. There are a couple of blankets piled on the floor that go to the donation station by the commissary. The kids' room is a landslide disaster. I cooked dinner as well but havn't clean that up yet either.

Well, geez. Most of this stuff is my job. In fact, the only thing that isn't my job is the kids' room and even that is something I have to moderately supervise.

I find myself discouraged but still determined to find a way to make this all work that doesn't require me falling into bed at the end of the day ready to run away and give all this up. A schedule is a must. I'm proud of myself for planning meals this week and my walking partner is ready to go this week so I can work off grandma's tastey un-cooking.

Old habits die hard. You know what I didn't have up there in the woods? A computer. I read for at least 2-3 hours a day, keeping up on news or a few medical developments, peeking in at the politics, reading on a trivia website, researching this or that challenge I'm facing, church news, etc. Brain candy. Clean house vs. enriching my mind. What a choice. Yes, a schedule is a must.