Retraction?

Tag has been coughing all morning with asthma sounding hacks. It's been months since he's done this. I pulled him over to where I was sitting, lifted his shirt to watch him breathe to see if he was retracting, and he started messing around. He pushed his stomach out as far as it would go, pulled it all the way in, pulled his skin out to make "drawers", played with his ribs, and the whole time didn't cough or really breathe.

Me: Can you just please breathe like a normal person?
Tag: No.
Me: [getting frustrated] Why not?
Tag: I'm not a normal person.

Walkies

Spring is in the air, flowers are bursting open, and our evening walks are now in full daylight. I never realized how much more there is to see when it can be done in the sun. I'll have to start taking my (old, cheap, you wouldn't want to steal it from me) camera. There's a beautiful little bird that hangs out at our park here that looks a lot like these little guys (don't click that link too often, I'm stealing bandwidth), but I'm not certain what he is. He sure is a dapper fellow, though, and I enjoy watching him.

We also found some new flowers randomly popping out all over a common bit of lawn and I brought home a sample to photograph. Looks something like this:



There is also a really cute little purple flower that is all over our largish park lawn. It's so tiny and fragile looking that I almost (almost!!) feel sad when the lawn mowers come out.





Forgive the lack of direct light. The sun was going down as I took these. Why no sunset picks, you ask? Ok, ok, one last picture. Excuse the power lines and that silly house that's in my way.

Steps toward stepping

My sweet little Pebbles is so funny. She can furniture cruise, let go while standing still, and has repeatedly risen from sitting without assistance but she refuses to walk. She'll do everything but walk. She can crawl a million miles an hour loudly and can sort of do a ghost-like sweep across the wood floor to quickly and quietly get to whatever we've left out that she isn't supposed to have, including an open door to the outside world. She can say mom, dada, an approximation of Tag's real name, "beep", "yah" for yes, shake her head yes and no, and imitate a variety of vocal tones and effects. All in all, she's a great communicator. She picks up games really quickly as well. Man started a new one where he holds out his finger to which she applies the tip of her nose. He says "beep!" and then they repeat. Before I knew about this game she randomly reached over to my face, poked my nose and said "beep!" I just about fell off of the couch.

We spent the day out today. The pest control guys didn't come over until almost 12:15 so things are barely starting to come back together. It was fun just to take the kids out and wander around for a while. It was also lovely to have a good reason to completely declutter my major hotspots. Well, except for the desk. I think it's in its very nature to draw clutter. We took all of our little rugs out, I handed the kids a stick, and told them to beat the rugs. They didn't believe me at first but then had a great time getting the rugs very clean.

Pest control

Ugh! The lady from the neighborhood office called yesterday to let me know that we are scheduled for pest control today. That means that we have to pull everything in the house away from the walls (a neat trick in the kids' room, I tell ya what), clear out the floors of all closets, completely clear off all counters, and be ready to go at a moment's notice from 8-12 today, which includes when Pebbles usually takes her nap. At that point we get to play at the park until the poison dries, which takes 2 hours.

Is it worth it? We've never lived in an apartment where they took pest control seriously and now I can kind of see why. Who in their right mind would turn their house upside down, with a possible two day recovery, until the pests were so bad that when you open up the bathroom medicine cabinet a grinning rat you've named Reggie hands you the floss?

Ok, ok, exaggeration. I bet I'll have everything back together by the time Man comes home tonight and I'll be able to do a decent deep clean on each room. What a genuine pain in the rear though. Pizza for dinner.

Funny breakfast names

Toad in the Hole
Bubble and Squeak
Rumbledethumps
Eggs in a basket

Any others?

Phone conversation

I was on the phone with the maintenance office for an issue with the house and added a very small ant problem to the list. She was in a loud room, I had a movie on in the background.

CSR: Is there anything else the pest control people can help you with, ma'am?
Me: Do they handle moths?
CSR: [startled] Mobs?
Me: Yes, moths.
CSR: What are mobs?
Me: Um, like butterflies but hairy.
CSR: [embarrassed, laughing] Oh, M-O-T-H-S!

See, that could have been interesting, living among the military folk. Yes, they can handle mobs and moths here.

It's time for another Good Idea / Bad Idea

Good idea:
Leaving a can of soda in the freezer for 2-3 hours so that you get a nice, yummy, satisfying soda slush.

Bad idea:
Forgetting the soda in the freezer overnight.



I guess it's just a good thing that I cracked it open first, or the mess would have been spectacular.

The young 'uns, they are a-learnin'.

So I teach a CTR 8 class (the kids who are 7 and will be turning 8 this year, the year they get baptized) and it's interesting to watch this batch of kids. I have 6 boys in my class now that the inactive one is coming regularly and one moved in. The personalities are as diverse as one can imagine, but there is one sharp divide among them: some of them are instigators, and some of them follow the instigators. Today was particularly frustrating since the one who moved in recently is dealing with a learning curve in the reverence and social respect department, which sets off the instigators and followers alike. During the last bit of sharing time there was an older boy behind my class who started to gossip about one of the instigators in my class, saying that he got many demerits at school. After that the gossipor got shushed but it gave me a new perspective on the subject of those comments. J is a good, bright young guy with focus issues and an apparent lack of self esteem. With my own little boy who has behavior "special needs" I thought I was adequately sensitive to each of my students and what I could expect of them. I thought about the nature of the discipline available at public schools and wondered if it ought to be different at church. Since the discipline methods used in secondary education settings don't seem to work very well, I wondered what was missing that I might use to my advantage at church. By the time we rolled around to the closing prayer, I had my tactic ready. I hugged the new guy, H, and thanked him for being quiet during the talk that day. That's as far as I got before all of the boys bolted for the door. lol Maybe I can keep 'em scared by myself.

I learned a lot about being very frank with a child's value while living with my friends and employed one of their tactics when J didn't want to sit next to G. I told J that G is a very valuable part of my class, just like J is, and that I wouldn't tolerate anyone speaking about anyone like that.

The vigilance necessary for maintaining order in that room is incredible and makes it very difficult to actually teach a Sunday School lesson. I'm learning that when teachers talk about learning a lot from teaching that it isn't just the lesson material they're talking about.

Another outfit

I know, her feet aren't in the image but I was busy trying to get her to smile.

It was interesting trying to find clothes that work with her body. She's so long in the torso that with every shirt she had to lift her arms to make sure her belly wasn't peeking, which is the primary reason I took her shopping in the first place. She didn't have a single shirt that kept her stomach covered when she moved her arms. That poor girl. Now she's got shirts, pants, and underwear that all fit. I asked her if she felt better with stuff that fits and she was very emphatic in the affirmative. I guess I've just never been one for paying attention to clothes.

Those cute kids

Princess Butterfly has officially outgrown her last batch of hand-me-downs. She and I went out on a date to shop around and let her pick her style for the very first time. Here is one outfit from our search:



We couldn't find a belt that she liked very well so we took a look at the scarves. I need to take down the cuffs to make the pants long enough, but other than that she's very happy with her new batch of clothing. It was interesting to sift through all of the options at Ross. It can be hard to find clothes without words plastered all over them.

My little almost-toddler Pebbles hasn't made any progress toward walking and I havn't pushed it. She will, however, climb onto these kid-sized chairs and stand without hands.



As you can see, she's very pleased with herself. I think she has inherited Man's daredevilry and will follow in her brother's footsteps in exploring until and even after it hurts.

Speaking of my little explorers:



This kid just cracks me up. He found a treat in the cupboard and snitched. He was under his covers noshing on his ill-gotten gains when I put Pebbles down for a nap and hauled him out of hiding. I then put the treat on top of the fridge and 5 minutes later caught him at it again, but this time he had a chair up against the fridge and managed to get himself stuck by grabbing hold of the freezer door which swung open, leaving him hanging in space and stuck. Talk about embarrassing. Our conversation:

Me: Were you trying to get the chocolate?
Tag: No I wasn't!
M: What were you doing up there?
T: I wasn't trying to get chocolate. I was... [longish pause] I wasn't getting chocolate.


-sigh-

Kids singing Twinkle Little Star while little sister looks on and tried to figure them out.

Kid picture

I'm uploading a video which some of my relatives can't see, so I thought I'd post a picture as well. They all posed so well for a cute little series.

Menu planning -or- I'm pathetic

Ok, when left to my own devices I really, really hate menu planning. I'm always looking for a free and easy way to plan out meals that are relatively healthy and now Kraft has got a solution for me! Of course it features recipes that call for its very own brand of ingredients, but I never follow a recipe to a "t" anyway.

Behold, the almost-ultimate copout: Kraft Foods Express Checkout.

Now, things like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as a side dish? Gag me. But some of this stuff looks pretty promising with the requisite tweaking and brand swapping as the budget demands. Has anyone had any luck finding a good turkey sausage? I think it's funny that they consider onions to be a pantry staple, like the authors might be from my mom's side of the family.

I might go through these menus really quickly, maybe two sets a week. I definitely have to cook more than 4 times in a week.

Cap'n Crunch

There is something vaguely creepy about Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch cereal. We got to the bottom of the box this morning and there wasn't any cereal powder!

Oh, well. It continues to be a very cheap cereal at the commissary, at $1.67 per box. We had a spree on Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries for a while at $1.79 per box. You know, that place has got a whole wall o' cereal but they have no Malt-o-Meal hot cereal at all. I guess it's a good thing the kids like oatmeal.

Dinner last night: Rachel Ray's lemon chicken. I had to make the lemon curd from scratch since I didn't want to walk up to the store and boy, oh boy after Princess and I got done licking our fingers there was barely enough left to make the chicken. The chicken dish itself was initially worrisome. I thought that it would end up being super sweet, but the broth, vinegar, and chicken cut the curd sufficiently to make it just a little sweeter than I would have preferred, but not bad at all. It also made the sauce nice and smooth and custardy without being quite so fake looking as that weird lemon gel kind you get at restaurants. I think next time I would use white vinegar instead of rice vinegar, and maybe a bit more of it to better balance the sweet. Man went back for seconds, which either means that 5 mile run the other day is still increasing his appetite, or he didn't think it was too bad either.

And, for the record, it took longer than 30 mins. ;) But my chicken was frozen.

Product review: Hershey's Kisses Coconut Cream Filled

Hershey's has come up with some interesting flavors over the years. I was very sad when I could no longer find Nestley's Treasures in Toasted Coconut flavor, but here comes Hershey's so the rescue! I'm not quite sure about the interior texture of these things. It feels like coconut shrapnel. The flavor is totally awesome. I thought about stockpiling them since they are a limited edition, but then woke up and realized that my stockpile wouldn't last long enough to be remembered by anything but my hips. -sigh- Nice while it's lasting though, eh?

Normal weekend? At least this one didn't need surgery.

All three kids have had a cold for about a week and a half now. Pebbles developed a diaper rash which led to, yes, you guessed it, an MRSA relapse. My poor little girl ended up in the ER with an abscess where the light don't show. She's been more ill than the other two, to boot, but is now on antibiotics and her fever finally broke yesterday during her nap. The dr said that she didn't need surgery since the infection was, ahem, resolving on its own and with a little help from antibiotics she'll be right as rain in a week or so. The rest of us? Well, all five of us get to shower with surgical scrub and put antibiotic cream in our noses for a week. In the words of my handsome husband, "ew."

Also, due to a widespread communication malfunction, Man gets to be a soldier today. :( Of course I have no idea why, for how long, or what they're having him do, but I do know that I have three sick kids, a little girl who needs a little extraordinary care, I have a primary lesson to teach, and he has the car. Maybe this is a day to find a sub and call in sick.

On the positive side, we had a great weekend in and around the bummer parts. We got some great family time on Friday and Saturday. The kids had a blast at a primary activity and Man and I stayed up too late talking last night. We got Jet Li's Fearless and had fun discussing it and comparing it with Seven Swords. I can definitely recommend Fearless, as long as you don't mind fighting movies. Seven Swords was a pretty darn cool flick but it just didn't have as much of a story as I think a 2.5 hour movie ought to have. SS had a few slow bits but for the most part kept a pretty good pace without a whole lot of character development. Not surprising for how many dang main characters there are. Donnie Yen is featured very prominently in the cast list but had I think the fewest speaking parts, but some of the best fight scenes. Fearless, on the other hand, was a very interesting journey to watch. There were some creative elements in the fight scenes and my respect for Jet Li's acting ability has certainly been increased with his performance.

Fog

It's 2pm (1400) and I look out the window and see fog so dense it looks like smoke. It's just billowing past us in great drifts and making everything hazy. Except I look out at our view of the ocean and 200 feet away is completely obscured by fog. In a matter of just 10-20 mins a dense, pea soup fog has taken over my clear radiant skies and still appears to be billowing like a large fire. I have never seen fog so swirled and pushed around by wind so quickly, especially at 2 in the afternoon. My camera isn't good enough to pick this up very clearly even though I took a few videos of it.

Evolution of perspective part 2

I've been thinking about my grandmother a lot over the past several months. Last week I got to see her in a light that until recently I thought I was only capable of seeing my mother in. While my grandma still has my respect and dearest love, I see her now as a valued peer. We chatted, played with kids, went shopping, and one night we talked long past the kids' bedtime and ended up just giggling together while knitting. It culminated in my fatigue-drenched musings, wondering if God has someone to pray to when His kids are acting up.

I know I've cast my eyes to heaven and implored like a Jewish mother: Lord! Such children you have given me! Look at what they're doing! Did you plan this? Is there a reason for this?

I wonder if He has rolled His eyes to someone else and expressed His frustration or anger. What would He say?

It's so refreshing to see the world as an adult, where everyone in it is a potential friend rather than everyone taller than me being a distant, ineffably intimidating (though occasionally kind) authority figure. I'm so glad to have these dear friends with whom I can counsel and learn.

Also, I read a book that grandma highly recommended. At Home in Mitford is just the cutest, funniest, most country book I've read in a long time but it touched my heart in a way it hasn't in a long time as well. It's just about the most typical book an LDS girl from the midwest could read and enjoy, but, well I did. There is truth in it, truth in service, love, humility, fear, and facing fear. It also gave me an interesting look into the mind of someone who is consistently working to be positive and uplifting... except to maybe his secretary.

The evolution of perspective

The kids and I spent the week up at my grandmother's house in the mountains. It was quiet, peaceful, and precisely what I've been needing. It was an amazing opportunity to see myself, my roots, my kids, and think about various relationships without daily toils fogging my mind so much. I fell asleep every night with redwoods looming out the large back windows and stars plainly visible through the skylights. There was little to no traffic on her road, tucked away a decent drive from the nearest tiny town where the main attractions are an old drug store and a very small grocery store. A state redwood forest is just a skip down the very curvy road. Distractions there are optional. I found myself in deep reflection, keeping a journal, and being the sort of mother I really wanted to be. The messes were minimal from constant vigilance, my voice perfectly moderated with a sensitive grandmother on the scene, and we remembered every appointment we had for entertainment and enjoyment. Grandma had a whole suitcase of yarn from which we knitted ponchos for my little girls. I even managed to train my fingers in correct knitting form. Yay!

And here we come back to the grind. On Sat when we came back, I cleaned the whole house and things carried that same peace I enjoyed in the mountains. It was so nice to have Man back in my life and I was intrigued and happy to learn that we missed each other.

Today everyone was sick, so I pulled the long straw and got to go teach our primary class. I took my knitting but never pulled it out. By the time I came home the house was totally trashed. Gosh, who did that? Well, I cooked but didn't have time to clean up breakfast. I prepared a lesson but didn't have time to clean up a few scraps of paper on the desk. There are a couple of blankets piled on the floor that go to the donation station by the commissary. The kids' room is a landslide disaster. I cooked dinner as well but havn't clean that up yet either.

Well, geez. Most of this stuff is my job. In fact, the only thing that isn't my job is the kids' room and even that is something I have to moderately supervise.

I find myself discouraged but still determined to find a way to make this all work that doesn't require me falling into bed at the end of the day ready to run away and give all this up. A schedule is a must. I'm proud of myself for planning meals this week and my walking partner is ready to go this week so I can work off grandma's tastey un-cooking.

Old habits die hard. You know what I didn't have up there in the woods? A computer. I read for at least 2-3 hours a day, keeping up on news or a few medical developments, peeking in at the politics, reading on a trivia website, researching this or that challenge I'm facing, church news, etc. Brain candy. Clean house vs. enriching my mind. What a choice. Yes, a schedule is a must.

Dune Fear Mantra

I seem to have an abundance of opportunities to remember, face, and resolve my many fears over the past several months. Some things that I avoided facing as a younger person have come alive again and I've had to either free myself, or remain in bondage to them. There is one particular fear that I've really been struggling with over the past several years that has come to the forefront. Through prayer and meditation I'm finally able to begin sorting through and understanding quite a bit of this and sending it to the garbage where it belongs. (please, don't knitpick my metaphor. i know it isn't perfect) It's interesting how even in the face of logic my fight or flight reaction still kicks in when I think about it. A good friend has told me that it's perfectly normal for someone who was in my situation to carry this sort of fear with her, possibly even for the rest of her life. But the power that can be gained by looking it full in the face, calling it what it is, and allowing it to change you for the stronger is a power one cannot do without.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

There have been times when I have been so consumed by fear that I have been incapable of moving. The pain of it is excruciating. Being marked by fear in inevitable. It either enslaves and eventually destroys or, having overcome it, it gives us the freedom to move through life's obstacles with power and purpose. I think that fear is one of our many refining fires. It takes bits of our mortality and either swaths us in it or strips it from us. What's left is the stronger and better person I have inside of me as well as the new strength and knowledge I gain from experience.

Only I will remain.

And I know that I am beautiful.

So today I celebrate!! I celebrate by loving without fear and giving myself the gift of accepting peace.