New Sport: Rolling Over In Bed

Sports casters:

Ted - nasal, high strung, had too much coffee. Is bitter that he doesn't get to work for the Olympics next year.
Phil - cheerful, informed, naive.

Team Event: Rolling over in bed.
Special considerations: handicaps - A is 8 months pregnant and Man has extended shoulder condition.

Ted: Well, folks, our event today is going to just knock your socks off. I know I wore two pairs just in case. There are two players on this team which can be both an advantage as well as a serious hindrance.

Phil: You're right, Ted, especially with the other listed handicaps coming into play. The times Man is gone A can just sort of spread all over the bed in very little time but she suffers serious point loss on form.

T: Well, it's not like we're dealing with professionals here. Haha!!

P: Well, Ted, after 6.5 years of marriage and their fourth pregnancy, I don't know what you'd consider a professional. The event is about to begin so let's take a look at the starting line up.

T: It looks like Man is already laying on his back for the night since he lost that right side, which has put a real damper on the available space for prego over there. A is laying on her right though and is just about to wake up.

P: Oh, there she goes, her eyes are open. Let's see if we can tell from her face what's going on... looks like her arm is numb! How'd that happen? Folks, this means that she absolutely must turn so here we go!

T: To start out it looks like she's just going to try the Relax and Flatten to get her half way there. It's always risky to go straight for Supine but this late in the pregnancy you have to watch out for some serious Charlie Horsing... Oh! Look at that grimace! She took the chance and it didn't pay off!

P: Oh, disappointing, folks she's turning back the other way! Oh, wait, she's trying the Barrel Roll where you bear hug the body pillow and try to roll over in place in one swift move to avoid any unnecessary stretching of the abdomen. Look at the shoulder action! The elbow is following...

T: Will her opposite knee hit the bed in time to redeem her earlier fumble? Oh! Oh! The body pillow got snagged at the bottom of the blankets! That foot action to try to get it under the blankets just isn't cutting it and it looks like she'll either have to try again or go without covers!

P: For the people are home who didn't hear about the Great Blanket Treaty, it's interesting to note that while this particular team has a queen sized bed they use king sized blankets to prevent mass confusion and midnight drafts. But even with king sized blankets that body pillow just isn't making it possible for A to keep warm and move to the non-sore side.

T: Well, folks, it looks like her knee is able to contact the mattress but without sitting up and totally rearranging the covers she just won't stay warm tonight. Will she go the extra mile, claim those extra comfort points and sit up?

P: Ted, it doesn't look like it. Her eyes are already closing again and yep, her mouth is even hanging open. Looks like it's all over, folks, without anyone crossing the finish line. She does earn extra points for not waking up Man but that last lazy choice just isn't going to get her ranked...

T: Wait, wait, the eyes are coming open again! Look, she's turning the other way and wow what a barrel roll! Both shoulders and legs over in record time with the pillow turning with such precision! What form! What style! Wait! She didn't stop!

P: Yes, Ted, it looks like this was an emergency Herculean Spin which is unique in that it doesn't stop until she actually hits her feet on the floor. Look at that dash out the door! Wow, you can tell she's practiced this one hundreds of times!

T: She may not have the grace she used to, but man can she book it when Freida gets to kicking. Here she comes back. Based on habit, I'm guessing she'll just got for the Snatch and Slither... Yes, there goes the grab for the pillow and this time her foot work is just perfect!

P: The pillow made it under the covers! Yes! Yes! I've never seen such a recovery! Oh, wait, wait, while she was gone Man rolled on top of the covers. Will she have enough to tuck in? Oh! Just barely!

T: But here's the real test Phil. Will Man wake up? He's been known to sham just like a pro but he's so considerate that we'll be able to tell if he got woken up by if he gets off the covers... no such luck. Oh, well. Points for not waking Man but some loss for lack of a desirable quantity of covers.

P: Ted, it looks like she's comfortable enough to get right back to sleep though, so the covers may not play into the final comfort score. The judges are discussing the final positioning and overall performance... some head wagging and laughing over there. I bet the Charlie Horsing, even though it came before that amazing recovery, will definitely count against her.

T: Well, if she had just gone for the barrel roll that cramping never would have happened. Here are the scores! 6.5 out of 10, but factor in the pregnancy handicap and we have a solid 8.

P: Tune in for the next roll over and see if we can observe yet another spectacular dash to the bathroom. We expect it to happen within the next 2 hours so stay with us.