Before I scar you, let me explain.

That's how I felt talking to my Princess this past weekend.

We have a lot of expenses coming up with Freida needing a car seat and clothes. Thankfully, I didn't give away any of the blankets, receiving blankets, baby bjorn, and a few other new baby necessities, but I did give away several bags of clothes and bulkier items.

Then there's Christmas. We're still keeping it simple and less expensive this year (see above expenses) and we've also had to buy a clothes dryer recently.

This past Saturday I went to the PX glasses shop to see what my prescription would cost me. It's looking like a pair of glasses, for eyes as bad as mine, won't cost less than $400. I was expecting $50ish. I felt like I'd been hit in the stomach. So I told her I'd have to think about it but really... what's there to think about? Glasses or blind, baby.

I came home to talk to Man about it and started to cry. I have a complex where I have a hard time spending money on myself at all and the extreme guilt of having such an expensive need right when all these other expenses are coming up was too much for my pregnant emotions. Princess was in the room as I explained my feelings to Man, and that sweet girl offered me her allowance if it would help. I hugged her, sat her in my lap, and explained that it wasn't that we don't have money, or that things wouldn't be ok, it's just that I have a problem that I'm still working on that I don't want her to have. I told her how important it is to me to make sure that her needs are met and she shouldn't feel guilty about that, ever, because I love her and I want her to be happy and provided for.

I found a place online that can do my glasses, including prism, for about $100. After that, I found a newish car seat on Craig's list for $20 (used for one baby, no accidents). Then Man came home with an envelope from the Battalion Chaplain. Apparently soldiers with families all got these envelopes filled with gift certificates to the local commissary to ensure that our Thanksgivings would be bountiful.

It looks like God is telling me the same thing that I took great pains to explain to my own precious child. And I wept again.

It reminds me of a few Christmases ago when things were particularly tight. I had just come out of an Aldi (place to buy extremely inexpensive food, for the uninitiated) with our meager supplies and two small children. A man in a van awkwardly approached me and said that his church had purchased several WalMart gift certificates for families in need who they went out into the city to find and felt that God would direct them to the right people. He said that he felt strongly that my family should have one. I cried, thanking him, and felt rich.

Things this year are looking much brighter. A steady income, a larger home than we've ever enjoyed on our own, and so much to be thankful for that I feel like I'm going to bust at the seams. Who am I to weep over my own needs, thinking they are selfish and untimely?

This is another reminder that it all happens at exactly the right time.



Tag gas just come to inform me that I must have a car sticker on my cheek if I want to come into his bedroom. ::sigh:: Darn. Guess I can't put his laundry away or tuck him in at night any more. ;)