No more hosting hat

I love www.recipezaar.com . I've loved it ever since January of 2003 when I first went there seeking a stroganoff recipe to jazz up my attempts. I was there when they celebrated their 75,000th recipe, their 100,000th recipe, and just recently they've hit the 200,000th recipe mark. I've helped put recipes in their correct categories, beta test the new look, host the Thanksgiving help desk chat thingy, co host two different forums and even lobbied to get one of them created. I've received personal correspondence from the founders on two different occasions and considered putting in a resume at one point to be a customer service rep online.

After a lot of introspection, I've begun to rethink and reshape my free time and not so free time. On Sunday I forget which grey-haired general authority said something that really gave me a shock: "You spend time doing the things that really matter to you."

It's a simple little thought. It makes perfect sense. It's perfectly true. I'm in the fortunate position of being a stay at home mom to our three kids and I truly have the freedom to spend time doing the things that matter to me. But is hosting on a recipe website really that important to me right now? Is that one hour a day worth spending on answering questions for those who honestly could have googled their question and gotten a more thorough, better researched reply than I have to offer?

With a sigh of sadness and relief, I take off the hosting hat and give myself the gift of an extra hour every day to do precisely what I truly value: nurturing and cherishing the people and relationships that mean so much to me; shaping and refining how this house is run and making it a home; developing skills and talents that bless my life and those around me.

Sometimes saying no isn't such a selfish thing. And sometimes it isn't such a terrible thing if it is selfish.

Silly to have to learn these things in this society. What was it called... ah, meritocracy. That's right. Now I have two less "merit badges" to share with those who ask about what's going on in my life.

But learning how to be and do in such a way that fully exercises my right to think and choose -- now that's courageous.