Recently Man has suggested that, in order to spend time together while he's away on training, we start playing an online role-playing game called Guild Wars.
Interesting idea. I love spending time with him and it's a fun game to play... when you have the time. As we hashed out the pros and cons of keeping in contact with this medium I realized that I still have some blocks concerning expressing what I really want if it contradicts what he really wants and is convinced is a good idea.
There's nothing wrong with disagreeing, and I had to keep reminding myself of that. Neither of us got defensive, or felt like our ideas and feelings were minimized, but we simply disagreed. I had a vague feeling of disloyalty which I realize is more a result of a lifetime of doing everything I could to avoid making waves as opposed to any guilt tripping on his part.
I was going through some sale ads tonight and just happened to stumble across an entertainment set up that I really liked at the local Cost Plus. Oooooh, I thought, if the kids weren't so young I would just love to have this. It's tasteful, partially concealing (some doors, some open shelves) and solid wood which I think is beautiful. So I've decided to keep a "things I've seen that I want" diary. Sample pictures of different pieces of furniture, notes on features my dream house would have, things I've just plain enjoyed, experiences I'd like to plan for.
It's kind of a thrill to think about the things I want in terms of actually working to have them. It's also kind of a thrill to know that I already have many things I legitimately want. The idea of shedding everything but the things I truly love and use is so very liberating but one I've had such a difficult time realistically embracing. Dipping one's toes into this idea is refreshing and a bit terrifying but I think it's finally time.
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