Birthdays and blessings

My Butterfly Princess has had her 5th birthday! She told me that she thinks that when she turns 5 she's going to grow so tall that I'll be surprised. I told her that it might not happen the day she turns 5, but I'm pretty sure it'll happen at some point. We had a fun day. She and I went on a date this morning so she could pick out her birthday breakfast (biscuits, eggs, and cantaloupe) and her dinner was amazingly easy: quesadillas. I added tomato and chicken to mine but she wanted just plain cheese. I'm sad that I forgot to take a picture of her cake this year. It was chocolate with pink icing and purple hearts drawn on. She decorated it very well with pink and red sugar and rainbow sprinkles. I'm so pleased with how amazing of a little girl she is. She's so kind to her friends, including all of them in the games they play. She is willing to play with people who are older, younger, boys or girls, and remembers them when she wants to share something she loves. We took cupcakes over to a new friend today and have a play date for later in the week. Princess had no idea how old her new friend was until I told her and really, Princess didn't care. All she knew was that she had a good time with a friend and wants to see her again soon.

It took me several years to understand that age has nothing to do with how well I can love someone. We have had wonderful visits with all sorts of people out here. We've been embracing the idea that we have so little time where ever we may live that we absolutely must make the most of it. It has been such a heart break for me to spend a painful year or two being lonely only to make a friend and then leave. Again. Either I move or she moves. We always end up having a couple of months of being really close and then Poof! I realized after a while that it was my own prideful heart that was preventing me from accepting other people as potential friends due to silly things like fearing whether they want to my friend... and thus never forming a friendship. I have desperately missed those women who have become my sisters especially when things get so tough and lonely as they have been lately. I was/am getting to be quick and great friends with a lady just up the street only to find out that Man and I are both dealing with a bacteria that could make her very ill. The only thing to do is wait and time simply isn't something we have. I felt like I had flown off of a cliff, taking an emotional chance on making a friend only to learn that spending time with her could hurt her terribly. I once told a good sister/friend that I often felt like I needed permission from other people to get up after every time I get knocked down. She loudly told me that I had permission from her for the rest of eternity to get up any time and fly. So, I have been. My friend up the street has decided that the chance of communicability of this bacteria is low enough that it's worth the risk of social contact to have a friend. We've also made some efforts to have people over and attend ward activities. I feel like whole new worlds have been opened to me just by having the courage to take extra cupcakes or brownies over to people I barely know and spend an hour just chatting while our/my kids play. Part of my new freedom is not being dependent on or fearful of what a relationship might bring me, or what a relationship might take. When Shakespeare said that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, he was right, and he was talking about real love that enriches despite whether it is requited. I'm so glad that my beautiful first baby has been here to teach me such love and such desire to love and serve. She is such a tender and sweet light to me.