Disability

"Tag, please take your blanket into your room."

"I can't! My legs are soooo tired."

"Aw, poor legs. -kisses his knees- Let's go put your legs to bed so they can rest."

"No! The rest of me feels fine. I just. Can't. -groan- Move. My. -grunt, as he demonstrates how heavy and dead his legs are- Legs."

"Your legs are important though. If you don't rest them in bed they might fall off!"

"What? No they won't."

"Are you sure? They won't fall off?"

"Yeah, see -- [this is where he shakes his legs about and moves them but is sure to not let them touch the ground or bear weight]"

"Wow, I can see that your legs are not going to fall off, after all. That's ok. I'll put your blanket away."

"[here he gets all suspicious] Really?"

"Yep, the top of my closet looks a little cold. I've been wanting a nice warm blanket for it for a while."

"No!!"

"I'll race you! Whoever gets it first gets to put it away!"

[mad dash ensues wherein his legs experience a miraculous recovery, he beats me to his blanket and then to his room, but then his legs collapse again due to their overwhelming fatigue]

Fast forward to Pebbles and Mom in the bathroom, brushing teeth.

"Pebbles, do you want to go on the potty?"

"Pah-dee?"

"Yes, that thing over there. [points to pint-sized throne. Man bought it. It sings when you pee into it. Except, no one has peed into it but the kids like to wave their hands in front of the motion sensor to make it sing. Because it says funny words like "toilet" and "flush"] Potty. Do you want to pee in the potty?"

"[she points to the big toilet] Toy-it. [then points to me] Mom. Mom toy-it."

"Yes, that's the big toilet. Do you want to use the big toilet?"

"[she points to me again] Cow."

Uh-huh. Nice.

Fast forward again to Tag. He has just come back from the park and looks a bit sad.

"Mom, I'm defecating."

"What?? Erm, do you need to use the bathroom?"

"[looks confused] No. I'm defecating."

"[trying to think and not laugh] Ok, what does that mean?"

"[grunt of discontent] Moooo-ooom. It means that my sisters are being mean to me and making me not happy." [only a couple more years and he'll be saying "duh" after things like this.]

"Defecating, huh?"

"Yep."

I guess we need to quit using the longest words we can think of when trying to talk privately in front of them.