It's either perfect or finished

I've talked about my perfectionism a lot over the past couple of years. It's something I struggle with on a daily, minutely basis. If I know it won't turn out perfectly, I don't start it. If I see it isn't developing perfectly, I quit. It's pathological, it's caused me and the people I love a lot of pain, and it's severely limiting. I analyze everything I ever tell people -- I torture myself with remembering what I said wrong or stupid and it makes me sick. I don't finish knitting projects that have errors at the beginning, and if I tear it out I can't bear to restart because I now know that I might do it imperfectly. I had to quit rereading my blog posts several times to correct errors because it tripled my blogging time and didn't help a whole lot anyway.

So, let me say again something I said yesterday: I finished a project.

Now that the older kids are in school, I've found freedom and time that I never knew I'd have ever again in my life. Slowly, some of my creativity is coming out to play and the first thing I've done with it is make a new Family Home Evening Chart Thingy of Power. Why of Power? Because I freakin' finished it, booyah!

I started with an oval board, painted it burgundy, but couldn't find the little wood cutouts I wanted. I ended up making little dangly things with our initials on them out of beading supplies, but then couldn't find cup hooks in the right size or color. Apparently no one makes the tiniest cup hooks in anything but brass. So I did a redesign. I also decided that my handwriting was too lousy to actually paint or write on the board itself and got stickers, but was not pleased with how they looked so I actually used my very own handwriting on the darn thing in silver paint pen. And yes, it's done. It's DONE!!

But I can't show you a picture until I have better light for pictures. The stinking thing is so very imperfect and I did have to make some concessions on its appearance because it could either be perfect or done. I chose what I've heard is the higher road. It isn't the highest road (perfect AND done, darn it!!) but it's higher than tossing it in the heap of all my other projects.

I'm tempted to just start all over again but this time find all the things I need and change the colors to allow for the brass hooks. But what would I do with two of them? I'd put the first one in a box and move it 3-4 times around the country before getting tired of the guilt and throwing it away. No, my beloved little project deserves more than genesis and immediate rejection.

Maybe I could sand it and just start...

No.

But I do need to touch up the paint over there...

Leave the Chart of Power alone.

Just a little? Just enough to straighten out that one crooked word?

SILENCE!!!

But...

Tsssssh! No! No. Negative. (Thanks, C! I say that all the time now)

Now... we need to start having Family Home Evening.


Oh, by the way, Man and I have new callings at church. We team teach Sunbeams (the 4-5 year old kids), and he is ward chorister (using only his left arm) and I am primary pianist. Boy, they sure didn't waste time heaping a few of those our way, did they? Man also already has a full home teaching route and I'll be getting my visiting teaching route in a couple of weeks. And the primary presentation is at the end of October!! Ack! Can I learn the music by then? Not perfectly, I'm sure. Ha!