GPS

GPS. In the very first care package my mom sent me when I moved out on my own, she included a compass. Why? Because I'm directionally impaired. I usually have to drive somewhere (actually behind the wheel) 3-4 times before I can do it on my own, depending on how complicated of a route we take. So, with all the moving we've done/will be doing, we decided that a GPS would be a good purchase. We got it before the move out here and I tell ya, it saved our tails on a number of occasions even with Man ("he with pizzaboy/cabbie directional sense") in the van with us.

This female robot voice gives the directions. Which I think is hilarious. You know, a female voice giving the driver directions. On the other hand, I'm sure that it's mostly females using the device in the first place, so maybe it makes women drivers less irritated if it's one of their own making the suggestions.

She sometimes says weird things. When she says "as soon as possible, make a legal u-turn" which really sounds like "as soon as possible, make illegal u-turn" which I'm sure wouldn't hold up in court at all, unless you really want to tell a judge about the voice that tells you to commit moving violations.

It tries to take you on what it's sure is the fastest or shortest route, and you can also have it take you on a route using a few as or as many highways as possible. Getting to know this city a bit, I've learned the fastest way to get to the mall despite the GPS's earnest desire to take me on a ridiculous surface street route, so I go to the highway and then pay attention. Sometimes I like to take a street that I know is parallel to the one I'm going to have to end up on anyway because there are fewer stop signs. The GPS doesn't know about the stop signs so at every intersection it says "approaching left turn", then readjusts the route and again tries to get me to take a "left turn". After it exhausts all the left turns, it sometimes tells me to make "illegal u-turn", but sometimes it just gives up and tells me how to get there how I want to get there.

I can't wait for the day when the female robot voice says "well, forget you woman. See if I care. DON'T take the approaching left turn and DON'T blame me when you roll into Albany when you were trying to get to Abilene. If you need me, I'll be mapping you a route to HECK, lady. Yeah, oh, by the way, here's another left turn you could.... oh, for the love of Pete! I just don't get any respect..."

You know, if female robots ever PMS. I'm sure that's what one would sound like.