Amazon, oh Amazon

Written to Amazon a few minutes ago:

To properly illustrate my suggestion, allow me to tell you a story.

My husband is a Soldier, so we move a lot. In fact, we've moved as a married couple nine times in the past ten years. As our family needs have evolved we've found it increasingly difficult to update our address with every entity with whom we do business. Imagine my chagrin the first time I had an Amazon order, my most treasured Teeccino coffee substitute, fall into the possession of the hapless folks who took up residence in our wake in Fort Meade, Maryland. I changed the billing address but neglected to change the delivery address for my subscription order. That was my mistake. I changed the delivery address for my subscription order after clearing up the mistake and was confident that changing that address had solved my delivery problems.

I then made an order for canvases and an anatomy book, which were also sent to Ft Meade because I had a little too much faith, or perhaps complacency that changing my subscription address had also changed my default shipping address. Alas, this was not so and of course it was my oversight. Your ordering process is so quick and easy that I didn't take the time to carefully peruse my order information. Shame on you. (Yes, I'm playing coy on that one.)

Now, in the latest installment of items sent to Ft Meade by mistake, I find that my most anticipated order of The Lord Of the Rings Extended Edition Blu-ray (with bonus scenes! and interviews! and Weta documentaries!) is sauntering into the arms of an unknown recipient like a filthy harlot. I had forgotten that something which I pre-ordered might have an old address on it, even after deleting every other address in my Amazon address book as a precaution against such an occurrence.

Dear, wonderful Amazon and the poor CSR who must read my wistful missive, I have a suggestion for you. When someone changes their billing address, please ask if they would also like to change their shipping addresses on various orders at that same time in a popup box, perhaps one that flashes pink and is bordered by animated pythons sipping the tears of a thousand customers whose orders went awry. I understand that many customers ship to many different addresses at the same time, but I find it overtly complicated to have to go in and manually change the shipping address on every single service which you have to offer. Call me flaky (which I know you won't, but you're thinking it by now, I'm sure) but I simply forgot to manage all of my orders in an appropriate manner in the midst of disconnecting, reconnecting, and updating everything from my bank to my cell phones to my doctors to my relatives and ad infinitum.

My adored Amazon, I appreciate your tolerance concerning this terrible tangle. I can only imagine the consternation of the people who live in that old house, wondering why the schizophrenic previous tenants insist that they live where they do not, not to mention why they order such disparate and geeky items.

Now, for hopefully the final time, I would like to request a refund for the movie, if possible, so I can order it again and have to sent to its rightful home. I solemnly promise to look over my shipping and billing addresses three times before every order, throw computer hamsters over my shoulder before confirming the order, and thank the great User every time an order arrives in a safe and timely manner.

Thank you.


(note: every item that was sent to the wrong place has been shipped back to Amazon. My refunds are for returned merchandise)