The New Year

I havn't often made New Year resolutions, simply because I was too afraid of failure. You can't fail if you never try, right?

This is the attitude I've been struggling with for most of my life. And then, after years of frustration and depression, I'm finally realizing that there is something out there that is far worse than failure.

Letting my life pass me by while I cower away from opportunity and enjoyment has been my keenest regret of the last ten years. There are so many friends whom I may have enjoyed so much more if I had only been brave enough to try to include them in my life. There are so many adventures I might have had if only I had made one brave or outgoing gesture.

The results of this exclusionary attitude have been a lot of loneliness, a lot of guilt, and more negative energy than I can admit to without deep embarrassment.

Along with this contemplation, and a lot of discussions with Man over money, I've realized too that I tend to be an all-or-nothing, binary kind of person. We're either saving money, or spending. The house is either super clean, or a little gross. The laundry is either done entirely with all outfits matched, or piling listlessly on my patient couch. Along with this philosophy comes an extraordinary ability to justify, rationalize, excuse, and whine when my efforts to do laundry or clean are undone in the very moment I consider the job to be "done".

So why am I making goals now?

Months of working out both in my home and at the gym resulted in weight gain. "What's the point of that???" I raged both in my mind and to anyone who would listen. Then I realized that it was my habit of grazing all day long and making poor nutrition choices that was shooting me in the foot.

I wrote most of a book this past November and I've been reluctant to go back and revise or even finish the poor thing. November is over, I got my word count, I won NaNoWriMo, my goal was accomplished. These excuses float about my subconscious every time I select an activity for the evening, and I usually end up watching movies or Dick Van Dyke.

And et cetera.

If there is any lesson I want to learn from the Army, it's that each moment of my life is the one I really have to enjoy. Before I know it, places we've lived and friends I've known are suddenly gone, and I'll regret not savoring Cupcake's and Marcie's and Crazy Jo's for the rest of my life.

With that in mind, I selected some areas of my life where I've become either lazy or afraid. I've made clear broad goals along with subcategories of goals that I know for sure I can succeed at with even moderate amounts of effort.

Health:
-- Exercise at least 5 times a week. (which is something I've been good with for months -- is it cheating to start out with a goal I'm already good at? I don't think so)
-- Take better care of my fingernails. (one of my silliest habits is to chew on the skin around my fingernails. Fixing this bad habit can soothe my poor vanity pretty quickly.)
-- Eat moderately and with intent to nourish. (Genuinely nourishing food, eaten at the table and not in front of a screen or while reading. Also, I'm keeping track of my nutrition on SparkPeople so I can tell if I'm getting enough of the vitamins I'm most concerned with.)

Organization:
-- Be a better gatekeeper. (If I don't love it or use it, it doesn't belong in my home)
-- If I can't bring myself to plan a week's worth of meals at a time, at least decide what tomorrow's meals will be. (Better planning = less stress, even if it isn't fancy.)

Developing my talents:
-- Write at least 2 hours each week.

Spirituality:
-- Read scriptures for 20 mins a day.
-- Notice and appreciate positive and wonderful things.



It looks like a lot, but most of these things take a couple of minutes a day at most, and the fingernail thing is just a matter of leaving them the heck alone.

What are you doing to celebrate the new year?