Of mice and women

Me: Wow, that's a big spider.  [giving Man a meaningful look]

Man: Yeah, not bad. [indulging me by coming over to validate my observation]

Me: [realizing that despite that validation, Man doesn't always understand/acknowledge Hintese, the Language of Hints)

I guess I should break here to explain that Man has a longstanding regard for spiders in their practical capacity as the slayers of lesser insects (and small birds!!!!) and discourages people he lives with from squishing them.

Me: Ok, do you want to put it outside or are you going to let me squish it? Those are your choices.

Man: Fine, I'll take it outside.

He picked up the pair of pants with manly care (dare I say gingerly?) where the spider had struck the pose that got my attention.

Man just got done reading the first part of this post and now he's laughing at me, so we had to have this exchange:

Me: It was huge!

Man: Birds?

Me: Yes! Some spiders can catch birds! And some small ones can kill a grown man in 30 seconds!

Man: But not that one!

Me: It was big enough that I could see its... [gesturing with fists in an inane attempt to demonstrate the big fisty bits that protruded from its spider face]

Man: [gesturing back, imitating the "finger teeth" used in Holy Grail when describing the man eating rabbits] Look at the bones! [imitating the squawky voices from Holy Grail]

Me: You know what I mean!!

Image from the Orkin website. See?? Fisty bits!

Anyway, he picked up the pants, took them outside, and I followed to make sure things were taken care of.
I watched him shake the pants and then made him turn them inside out.

And now everything itches. If I had squashed that thing flat, its legs would have been the width of my palm.

Excuse me while I go shower and then blow up my house.