Ooops! Parenting whoopsie

Link to story about a mom who got tired of her two daughters (10 and 12 years old) fighting in the back seat, so she pulled over, ordered them out of the car, then drove off. The 12 years old chased the car, mom let her back in, and left the 10 year old. Later she called in a missing person report to the police only to learn that her daughter had been picked up by a stranger who treated the girl to ice cream then took her to the police station. Mom has been arrested.

So, when I first heard this story I thought "man, I would have done the same thing." But that isn't true... I've *wanted* to do that and just never got angry enough to act on it. That got me thinking about what I actually have done about it.

Angry responses:

Yell. Never works very well. "Both of you just quit talking if you can't sort this out!"

Turn the radio up until they can't hear each other. Either a rock station or the classical station. Doesn't work with Elton John.

Stay stonily silent until they either start screaming at each other or get tired of fighting.


More reasonable responses:

"Hey, what's the problem? How do you feel about that? What could you do next time instead? Do you have anything to say to your sibling?" You know, walking through the text book garbage that never really seems to get anywhere.

Pull over into a parking lot, get out of the van, and wait for silence while closely examining anything but the people in the van. Sometimes I let the people who aren't fighting out of the van so they don't have to be punished.


Sense of humor:

While driving to Ikea, I had to take part of the DC beltway so I admonished them to silence by saying "if you're fighting and I have to deal with you while we're on this highway, we might crash and die." It worked. Some of you might not think this is funny, but everyone laughed and then fell silent. So.

"Whoever stops fighting first gets to pick a song. Just don't pick one with hand motions, because then I'd have to let go of the steering wheel." After a couple of songs we talk about the problem so they can look at it with happier eyes.

"Hey, you want to hear the most annoying sound in the world?" It shakes them out of the expected because I pick a different sound each time, they think I'm weird, but it gets them out of the rut of arguing they've set up.

I think the angry responses aren't effective because it stone walls solutions. The same things that resolve conflict with Man work on the kids as well: humor, understanding, appropriate concessions that keep my rights, interests, and well being intact, and gratitude. It's sometimes shocking how far a simple "thank you" will go.


What do you do when your children argue too much?