I have installed a video card!

This morning we found that the UPS guy left our new video card for our computer in our driveway. I don't know why, but the poor UPS man ends up delivering into the dark of night on our street, which can be a bit distressing, as indicated by our morning surprise. It froze last night, by the way.

Anyway, Man came home right after PT because he knew about the box and I didn't, and burst in the door this morning and asked if I wanted to install a video card. Whoa, what? Yeah, he's got this thing about teaching me about computer hardware, which is cool because I like computer hardware in the sense that someone who doesn't know French likes French, or who has never tried a truffle (the mushroom sort) begins to salivate over recipes that contain said delicacy. So, my interest doesn't make a whole lot of logical sense, but it's fun, and Man loves computers so it gives us something to talk about (or, something for me to cheerfully listen to while he waxes passionately poetic)

Man put this computer together about 5 years ago, using some old parts and some new parts. It has lasted quite well despite the fact that it's now outdated and we put a big strain on it with video watching and game playing. The video card has started rebelling, completely restarting the computer when we start some videos, and we've had to dial down the quality of the graphics we have things run at.

So, Man got a twinkle in his eye.

It's the sort of twinkle he gets that makes me tense up. The sort of twinkle that transforms into a gleam, and then blood-shot eyes after hours of research, days of dreaming, and perhaps months of planning and attempting to scrape funds together. It's the same twinkle he got when he started talking up the creation of this computer. It's also the same gleam he achieved while trying to find some way to buy a piano. Those were the same blood shot eyes that eventually obtained our flat screen computer monitor. He slaves over the purchases he wants to make with an energy and determination that are somewhat disturbing to behold. But the end result is that he absolutely LOVES the thing he buys. He uses it to its full potential, uses it every day, and always delights in the fruits of his efforts.

This is partly why I don't buy him things any more. I like to give gifts, but there's no way I'm going to imitate or understand the Twinkle and therefore, for gift-giving occasions, I give him a spending limit. It's easier on everyone that way.

Anyway, so we now have the video card. He ate his cereal while talking me through portions of removing the old card (itty-bitty thing) and plugging the new card in (friggin' huge, and requires its own power supply). I opened the case and whistled. It looked like the Sahara, with piles of dead matter everywhere. I asked him if I could vacuum it out. His face reflected momentary panic, wondering if I was serious. He told me that if I did we'd have to get a whole new computer, knowing that would scare me into never doing it at all. He had to dash out the door just as I was putting in the last screw (yes, it takes two internal slots, whatever those are called) and so I flipped it on after he left. Things went great until I logged in. The computer froze up.

Something inside me froze at the same time. Crap, I thought. I wonder if I broke it.

So, I did something the pro's call "troubleshooting", which for me involved (after doing a hard shut down) wiggling the wiggly bits a little, plugging a different power supply thingy into the card, making sure all the plugs in the back were nice and tight, and taking some of the larger dust bunnies out. Satisfied that I had done everything I reasonably could to make it have a better chance at not freezing up, I turned it on again.

Nope. It froze. Actually, it froze on the login screen this time. So, I did another hard shut down (I know, I know, I didn't have a choice) hoping that may a third time would be a charm. Maybe one of these times it would just magically work long enough for me to install the new drivers and I'd be a hero!! A hero who troubleshoots for freedom and justice! A hero who wasn't afraid to go outside her comfort zone and MAKE the computer work!

After it froze the third time, I sort of puttered around the house, hoping it would unfreeze on its own. Maybe the motherboard woke up, saw the video card, peed itself, and was just standing there in shock. Maybe they just needed some time to get to know each other, like if you're the school nerd who gets assigned the star running back as a lab partner in high school. So, I waited. I did some laundry, glanced at the frozen screen, changed some diapers, looked longingly at the frozen screen, poked at the piles of stuff around my house that need to be cleaned up, then came and sat in front of the frozen screen. And sighed.

Then I shut it down and put the old card back in. Turning the computer on, I changed some settings so that not as much stuff had to load up at first, hoping it would ease start up a bit. Switching the cards again, the computer started up but beeped over and over and flashed red words on the screen: The Video Card Is Not Plugged Into Its Own Power Source. Please Turn Off The Computer And See Instruction Manual For Proper Installation

Which has led me to the conclusion that my computer is a jerk. "Proper" installation? Well, hoity-toity you snobby bot. At least it said "please."

I turned it off again, plugged in the power cord, turned it back on, and it still froze.

So, since I can't live a whole day without Googling something, I put the older video card it, which gasped and sobbed when I picked it up, and now it's sort of moaning like a soul of the darned, sentenced to earthly prison for a life of mis-deeds.

Part of me wonders if, in all that research, Man came to the conclusion that if we got this video card that we'd have to upgrade something else, and thus his dominoes are in place to eventually have the computer he wants by bits and pieces.

However, that would be violating my own desire: "I'd rather be thought of as incompetent than conniving", but I'll reserve judgement until he comes home tonight and tinkers with it for a while. And now that I know a thing or two about computers (where the power button is, and how to put in a video card, go me) I'll be able to tell the difference. Watch out, computer guys, I'm armed with just enough knowledge to be annoying and condescending!